Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Latest Addition To My Beauty Regimen

I had every intention of completely missing the little patch of creamed, chipped torture that is Black Friday. Then I walked into the kitchen to see His Holiness the Doggy Lama in front of his bowl munching away happily and realized he was on his last bowlful of crunchy security. Oh, the horror. Oh, the guilt. As soon as I got off from work, I trundled to the nearest Wally World to get him a new bag o' kibbled goodness.

While I was there I decided to get some cough drops and out of curiosity wandered over to the cosmetics section. The aisles were like the retail equivalent of a middle school girl's restroom. Everything was geared to make you think you were a barely presentable troll whose choices were 1.) run weeping into the pet supplies section or 2.) look up and down the shelves while declaring that you would take one of everything.

Needing brain bleach, I headed over to the sporting goods section. It looked like it had been sacked by marauders (and people...people...some of us still love fletched arrows, I'm just saying...). They had a lot of their equipment marked down and I decided at that point to quit worrying about what I was supposed to buy in order to feel better about myself and get something I really wanted. So I started looking for a soccer ball. At first I was ready settle for a size 4, four dollar cheapie but then concluded that I really needed an adult-sized ball. The shelf where the nine-dollar Black Friday balls had been was empty. I walked over the clearance section and found a dozen that had been marked down to fifteen dollars. Tucked behind them was a very pretty, size 5 Franklin Air Matrix X-Caliber model. I loved it as soon as I saw it. When I saw the label that declared that no child labor had been used in its manufacture, I decided to forget the cost. Then I looked at the price tag. Ten dollars. I hope whoever tucked that ball back there completely forgot about it or found something they liked better, because I put it my cart and practically skipped to the checkout.

Here it is:

HH the Doggy Lama Niklas Lidstrom the Shih Tzu is a little ambivalent about it. He loves to chase it, but when it rolls back at him he looks like Wile. E. Coyote trying to outrun a boulder. He has his own size 2, underinflated ball that he often keeps in his chair/den (along with Puu and one of whatever pair of shoes he can filch from that day) that he uses for living room pickup games.:

You know? That ball makes me feel far better about myself than the bottle of greasy stuff I'd probably use twice and then stick in my medicine cabinet until it got old and questionable looking enough to throw out without guilt. My dribbling is already getting better and I can bounce it from my foot to my knee a couple of times before it bounces to the side of the hallway. In short (too late!), that ball makes me feel pretty awesome.

copyright 2009 jas faulkner