Sunday, December 06, 2009

Guest Blog & Counterpoint: An Anti-Movember Appeal From Maggie the Pig

MAGGIE THE PIG:  Ahem.

I have a question for the Predators Front Office:

WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG YOU PEOPLE?  Honestly!!!!!!!!

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that some of  the Nashville Predators were starting to sport a lot of facial hair.  At first I thought it was a coincidence.  A little later I noticed that everyone on the team was doing it and it occurred to me that they might be trying to disguise themselves from someone, but who?  Joe Thornton?  The Bluejackets?  Jim Balsillie?  Then I happened to see a picture on the website. There was JP Dumont, front and center.  They had decided to flush him out so people would know it was him.  But why? I clicked on the link where they had misspelled "November" (and by the way, people, it's December already.  Sheesh!) and what I saw shocked me.

No wonder the guys are trying to hide!  Someone at the Predators Front Office is taking bids on which one of them gets cancer. Words fail me. I know there was some frustration before the November  (or "Movember" as they keep insisting in spelling it) winning streak, but isn't this a little extreme?

And you fans who are voting with your dollars?  I don't know what to make of this.  Do you really hate Dan Hamhuis that much? Steve Sullivan and Shea Weber aren't faring much better, either. Someone really, really has it in for them.

I know, yes, I am only too aware of how that strange little dog has endorsed this so-called charitable venture. All I can say is that he needs to start reading more for comprehension, bless his heart.


TOOTOO, DUSTIN'S GUARD HAMSTER: Uh, Maggie?


MAGGIE: Tootoo, I'm not finished.


TOOTOO:  MAGGIE!


MAGGIE:    I'm talking!


TOOTOO: For crying out loud, it's a charitable drive for the prevention of prostate cancer.


MAGGIE:  Are you sure?


TOOTOO:  Yes.  Look I don't have a whole lot of time. Dustin's mom is going to put us back in the Habitrail any minute now; but trust me, they're not trying to kill the Predators.


MAGGIE:  Oh, okay.  So, uh, what is prostate cancer anyway?


TOOTOO:  It's...Well?  It's where they...Oh wow.  I don't know, either.  Arnott?


ARNOTT, DUSTIN'S OTHER GUARD HAMSTER: I think it has something to do with harbl health for hockey players.  Tootoo? We really need to scoot.


MAGGIE: What's your hurry anyway?


TOOTOO: SOMEBODY made pellets on the bath mat.


ARNOTT: Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

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