My BGBF (Best Gay BoyFriend), Kevin, has this thing he loves to do. You remember that scene in "Fever Pitch" where prim but sweet Lindsay (Drew Barrymore) gets her first look at BoSox-addled Ben's (Jimmy Fallon) closet and finds hanger after hanger containing Red Sox fan gear? Well, Kevin loves to go to my closet and slide the hangers over, saying "Predators...Predators...Red Wings...Predators...Sentaors...Predators...Fah-LAMES!...Predators...Predators...Predators...Ooh, look, I'm Drew!
It was funny the first time he did it. Now? It's a little predictable but still cute. The last time he did it, I made the mistake of asking him if he was trying to make a point.
"Noo-ooo-ooo...yes," he said. "I think...How should I put this? You're not Canadian. You seem to share my taste in boys and yet...something's wrong."
"What?" I snapped.
"Trust me on this. I think I need to help, erm, I need to teach you how to be girly."
"Excuse me? I...I...I do not need to be taught how to be...girly!"
Kevin flipped open his netbook, tapped furiously at the keyboard for a second and turned the screen toward me.
"Watch this, " he said.
"What's her problem?" I asked.
"Do you see- What would you change?" he asked.
"For starters, the French Maid outfit is totally wrong. I would have dressed as Gonchar or maybe Malkin. No. That would make it too angry, it needs to be a team mate. Scotty Hartnell. We have the same hair."
Kevin collapsed into his chair.
"I give up," he sighed.
He looked so dejected. I felt really bad and decided to make an effort to cheer him up.
"Dude. Guess what? I went to an estate sale!"
Kevin brightened. "Really? What did you find?"
"Let me show you!" I ran into my office and came back with my newest great find.
"One of David Legwand's old sticks! He shoots left!"
Poor Kevin. I tried.
copyright 2010 Jas Faulkner