Thursday, May 27, 2010

Tootoo and Arnott (the female hamster hockey pundits) Want YOU To Support Youth Incorporated Inline Hockey!

 Tootoo:  Hi, Tootoo here and this is my associate, Arnott.  Say hi, Arny!

Arnott:  Hi!

Tootoo: Wanna rub elbows with other hockey fans in Nashville?  Want to sit in on a broadcast of SlapShot Radio?  Today we want to tell you about a couple of really great opportunities to meet and greet with the people who tweet about hockey!

Arnott:  They're parakeets?

Tootoo:  No!  Uh.  Hmm... That would  mean Paul McCann is a parakeet.  How does he type?

Arnott:  Birds have those little toes and all...

Tootoo:  Yeah.       So.       Uh, what were we talking about?

Arnott: Paul McCann is a parakeet.

Tootoo: Yes.  No.  Wait a minute...  Paul McCann is spreading the word about the June 7th Tweetup at the Tin Roof  AND on the 2nd, SlapShot Radio is hosting a fundraiser for a very worthy cause.

Arnott: So Paul McCann is not a parakeet?

Tootoo: Let's work on that assumption for now. ANYwhoo...  Paul wants everyone to know that SlapShot Radio is doing a live remote and Stanley Cup watch party at the Vandy/Midtown Pie in the Sky Pizza on Wednesday June 2nd from 5pm - 9:30pm to raise awareness and money for Youth Incorporated's Inline Hockey program.  Their rink in Bellevue was destroyed by the flooding. We will be having a silent auction and donations that will go directly to the rebuild effort.  Rebuilding a rink is an expensive proposition, especially for a non-profit like Youth Inc.  Their inline hockey program really drives up participation in youth ice hockey in middle Tennessee and continues to make new fans for the NHL and most especially, the Predators.

Arnott:  There will be pizza?

Tootoo:  I guess so.

Arnott:  I'd like pepperoni, muenster, and raisins on mine.  Hand tossed crust.

Tootoo:  You're so weird.

Arnott:  I love you, man


Thursday, May 13, 2010

I Enjoy Being (My Version Of) A Girl

My BGBF (Best Gay BoyFriend), Kevin, has this thing he loves to do.  You remember that scene in "Fever Pitch" where prim but sweet Lindsay (Drew Barrymore) gets her first look at BoSox-addled Ben's (Jimmy Fallon) closet and finds hanger after hanger containing Red Sox fan gear?  Well, Kevin loves to go to my closet and slide the hangers over, saying "Predators...Predators...Red Wings...Predators...Sentaors...Predators...Fah-LAMES!...Predators...Predators...Predators...Ooh, look, I'm Drew!

It was funny the first time he did it.  Now?  It's a little predictable but still cute.  The last time he did it, I made the mistake of asking him if he was trying to make a point.

"Noo-ooo-ooo...yes," he said. "I think...How should I put this?  You're not Canadian.  You seem to share my taste in boys and yet...something's wrong."

"What?" I snapped.

"Trust me on this.  I think I need to help, erm, I need to teach you how to be girly."

"Excuse me?  I...I...I do not need to be taught how to be...girly!"

Kevin flipped open his netbook, tapped furiously at the keyboard for a second and turned the screen toward me. 

"Watch this, " he said.

"What's her problem?"  I asked.

"Do you see- What would you change?" he asked.



"For starters, the French Maid outfit is totally wrong.  I would have dressed as Gonchar or maybe Malkin. No.  That would make it too angry, it needs to be a team mate.  Scotty Hartnell.  We have the same hair."

Kevin collapsed into his chair.

"I give up," he sighed.

He looked so dejected.  I felt really bad and decided to make an effort to cheer him up.

"Dude. Guess what?  I went to an estate sale!"

Kevin brightened. "Really?  What did you find?"

"Let me show you!" I ran into my office and came back with my newest great find.

"One of David Legwand's old sticks!  He shoots left!"

Poor Kevin.  I tried.

copyright 2010 Jas Faulkner