The Lake House: A Review

For the longest time I tried to hide the fact that The Lake House was coming to a theatre near me from my adopted granny, Sylvia. There are a few good reasons for this:

1. Keanu Reeves does not know this yet, but Sylvia has decided that Susan Sarandon is her role model and that her next husband will be young, pretty and Keanu or the next best thing.

2. I still hadn't forgiven Reeves for Constantine.

3. It's a kissing movie!

As luck would have it, she found out. She called last Friday to inform me we would be seeing The Lake house when I was in the middle of dealing with a client who had dropped trou as his way of letting everyone know what he thought of the state of social services in Tennessee. I didn't have time to argue, so I said yes and went back to de-escalating ButtBoy.

I called Syl at lunch and chided her for catching me in a weak moment.

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss. I want you and Keanu to make up."

"John Constantine is not from Los Angeles."

There was a long pause at the other end. Then Sylvia answered in the same tone you might use to tell a stranger her skirt was tucked into her panties.

"Don't you think it's a little weird to get that invested in a comic book character?"

I let it go. Hey, at least I have no designs on marrying John Constantine.

We caught a very late showing because I was playing the waiting game with another angry client (Angry Friday! Friday! Friday! At the Free Clinic!) who was seated in a coworker's cubicle and seemed to be whiling away her time by swearing, excusing herself when she realized I was still working, shedding what I hope was a weave over the partition and onto my charts and apologizing and picking up her hair when she noticed it had fallen on my desk.

Syl and I got great seats and nested in.

"You know, " she said, "This is a time travel movie, so it's your kind of movie."

"Oh, trust me, it's a kissing movie. I've seen the Korean original. Nothing explodes, it's not animated and there's no CGI."

"Picky!" she said and proceeded to drop peanuts in her coke and quietly unwrap her contraband Moon Pie.

Here's the thing. I liked Speed and still think that the next movie they made together should have been Miss Congeniality. Nothing against Benjamin Bratt, but Keanu is an action-guy type and would have made much more of the role than BB did.

So we watched this thing and goodness, they were both mopey! I prefer Smart, Sassy Sandra and ActionGuy Keanu to Mopey Sandra and Keanu. Twenty minutes in, you don't care if they get together, you just want them to eat some fresh fruit and take a Paxil.

Roughly halfway through, Keanu cries. I looked at the screen and muttered, "Yeah, I know how you feel. We both want to be next door in Over the Hedge."

The teen boy sitting in front of us turned and said, "You said that. My lady talked me into seeing this because I liked The Matrix. This thing is nearly over and Keenoo hasn't kicked anyone's ass." His girlfriend smacked him on the arm and he turned around. Syl pointedly wadded up her Moon Pie wrapper and dropped it into my lap. We behaved for the rest of the movie.

Would I recommend this movie? Both actors have done better seperately and together. If they were to try another genre all together or maybe a less leaden love story, they would be fun to watch. I'd say unless you're a fangirl/fanboy completist type, give this one a pass.

copyright 2006 Jas Faulkner